I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!