she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar