O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"