If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
whose ass print is on the piano?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had