Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"