maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
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What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
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Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn