I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?