Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
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it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
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I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.