My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
