True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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