hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
