Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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