My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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