I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
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My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
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I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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