i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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