There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
