Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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