Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
