2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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