dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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