if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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