He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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