all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
