I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
