my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
