You're earring is so big in my mouth
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
