do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
