Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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