The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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