People in love make me want to vomit
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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