Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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