Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
