the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
