I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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