My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize