dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
