You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
