She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
there is puke in my bra ... again
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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