Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
