the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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