So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
