Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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