I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
