my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
