I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
