Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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