If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
false alarm, still single
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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