How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
