my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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