when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
