There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
