I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
