Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize