at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
