As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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