Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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