tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
