We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
