Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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