i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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