Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
