what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
