what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
