We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
