it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
