This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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