That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
