I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
