he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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