I can't watch pbs sober anymore
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Randomize
