Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
