I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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