Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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