I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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