Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
