hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
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