She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
