WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
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I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
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Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
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